So Long, Insecurity // Final Week!

This is our last week in this Bible study. It's been an amazing journey! One of the things I loved about doing this study on my blog is that many of you were able to join in when could, wherever you could. This means some women may be on week three while we are here at week ten...and that's wonderful! The point is that you take this journey to greater security in Christ, no matter how long it takes.

If this is your first time here, you can check out all the posts from the "So Long, Insecurity" Bible study series by clicking HERE. Jump in where you can, when you can!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 17: What Are You Afraid Of?
Chapter 18: A Clean Escape

Group Experience
Week Ten: Moving Past Our Fears

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As Beth wraps up her book, she gives us a quick and simple summary of all we need to take away from this study:

Trust God.

Trust God. That is ultimately what true security is all about. Simply trusting Him and not anyone or anything around us. It is trusting Him with yourself, your family, your job, your health, your friends, with your greatest threat.


Many of us interpret "trusting God" as "trusting Him to not allow bad things to happen". This is flawed because it is not true security. It is too conditional. What happens when bad things happen anyways?

I love Beth's openness as she shares a conversation between her and God about this very thing. As she was fretting over the possibility of her greatest fear coming true, God urged her to complete thought. Suppose it did come to pass; what would happen after that?

Beth shares:

"He and I both knew what I would do. I would be devastated at first. I would probably sin in my anger and say all sorts of things and act all sorts of way I would live to regret. I would feel inexpressibly lonely and rejected and probably old and ugly. But I knew that finally I'd go face-down before God just as I have a hundred other hard times, accept His grace and mercy, believe Him to take up my cause and work it together for good, and then I would get up and choose to live.... The excruciating emotional exercise was the best thing God ever could have asked from me..." (Chapter 17 pg 327-328)

Ultimately, we need to realize and believe that security is not a life free from pain and struggle. Security is leaning on God, who will not allow any pain to be wasted, who can turn any devastation into something for our good and His glory.

We see a description of those who trust in the Lord in Psalms:

They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. Psalm 112:7-8

They will have no fear of bad news. Bad news may come, but the secure will not fear it. There is freedom in living without fear because of the knowledge that, in the end, we will triumph!

So instead of asking, "What will I do if...?" the question should be, "What will God do if...?" Our reaction to fear of tragedy should not come from ourselves, but be based on God's response.

Beth graciously lists a series of God's promises. He will:

• perfect everything that concerns you (Psalm 138:8)
• work all things together for your good (Romans 8:28)
• contend with those who contend with you (Isaiah 49:25)
• fight this battle for you (2 Chronicles 20:15)
• equip you with divine power (2 Corinthians 10:4)
• delight to show you mercy (Micah 7:18)
• meet all your needs according to My glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19)
• give you grace that is perfectly sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9)
• be your power in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)
• do immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within you (Ephesians 3:20)

(Chapter 17, pg 333)

So how do we know that God will work things for good? How do we get to the point of seeing Him prove Himself faithful?

In Psalm 27, we see David meditating on this very thing. What he really desired was to dwell in the house of the Lord, gazing on Him, living in intimate communion with Him. When we choose to live close to God, we see His goodness. 

As we conclude this study, think about your greatest fears. What would be your response should they come to pass? What would be God's response? Decide now to never again let those fears determine how you think, feel or act. Decide to trust God and choose life in Him!


Bible Verses
Memorize: Proverbs 3:5-6
Reflect:  Psalm 112:7-8
Psalm 46:1-3

Discussion Questions
1. What do you think trusting God really looks like?

2. What do you think would happen if your own worst fears became reality? Why does fear lose its power when we picture God with us on the other side our tragedies?

3. How would your life change if you stopped asking, "What will I do if...?" and started asking, "What will God do if...?"

4. Read Psalm 112:7-8. How is it possible not to live in fear of bad news? What do you think it means to "look in triumph" on our foes?


5. Read Psalm 46:1-3. What strikes you about the psalmist's trust in God in this passage?

6. What is your personal goal as you finish this study? In what ways have you decided to move forward in security?

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Feedback?
Thank you so much for joining me in this study! This is the first time I did a Bible study on my blog, and I can only hope it is was done in a way that was beneficial to you. I plan to do this again in the future (not sure when!), so would you take a minute to send me some feedback? Let me know what worked for you and what didn't...like the content, length of the posts, structure of the posts, etc...I'd love to read any comments or suggestions you may have so that next time your experience here will be even better. Thanks!

So Long, Insecurity // Week Nine

If this is your first time here, you can check out all the posts from the "So Long, Insecurity" Bible study series by clicking HERE. Jump in where you can, when you can!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 15: Looking Out for Each Other
Chapter 16: A Passion to Look Past Ourselves

Group Experience
Week Nine: Looking Beyond Ourselves

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Next week will be our last week in this study! It is hard to believe we are that close to being finished. I am so thankful that you have walked with me in this journey to greater security. I hope you have been encouraged in your relationship with the Lord during this time.

This week we are going to get outside of ourselves a little more - starting with the heartbreaking truth that we are part of the cause of the insecurity epidemic among women.

When we look at other women, it may be the norm to view them as competition, sizing up their personality, their outfit, their natural beauty, their man... and then we contend with them over it (whether it is all in our head or not).

Beth reminds us that if we want to end the cycle of insecurities in our own lives, we must also be willing to stop perpetuating the cycle for other women.  

Here are four ways we can promote security among the women around us:

1. Stop Making Comparisons
What we need to realize is that God created us each unique and each as His child. It is possible to look at and esteem another woman without making irrational assessments about her or bringing ourselves down. Beth explains how we often get caught up in "bad math":

• "I tried to talk to her + she seemed really distracted = she hates me.

• She's really gorgeous + she gets a lot of attention that I don't = she must be really conceited.

• She's got this + she's got that = I've got nothing. 

• She doesn't have this problem + I have that problem = she doesn't have a care in the world. 

• Look what she's got on + look what I've got on = I have the fashion taste of a tsetse fly."  (Chapter 15, pg 280-281)

Can anyone else relate? I sure can! We have to learn to stop doing the math before we get to the "equals" sign. Let's take notice of other women and celebrate or empathize - but let's stop comparing.

2. Start Personalizing the Other Woman
Sometimes as part of our "competition" mindset (comparing us to them), we forget that other women are human also. They feel. They hurt. They have weaknesses. They also have legitimate victories.

We need to stop seeing each other as one-dimensional contenders, and realize we are all multifaceted individuals. This change of perspective can revolutionize how we view others and ourselves, as well as how we treat them.

3. Don't Trip Another Woman's Insecurity Switch
Have you ever acted out in a moment of weakness, sensing the other woman's insecurity and taking her there anyway? It most likely happens out of our own insecurities, or a weariness from dealing with others' issues. We have to recognize when the temptation creeps up, and realize it's time to deal with our own stuff.

However, there are also women that are so insecure, there is nothing you can say or do that will shield them. Beth gives us this tip to help find balance:

"The goal in our female relationships should be to encourage one another's security. Not enable one another's insecurity."

We should be cultivating relationships that allow us and the other person to grow safely. A healthy relationship isn't one made up of excuses; it is honest, while loving. Let's encourage growth toward a secure life, instead finding ways to trip one another up.

4. Be Example of a Secure Woman
The awesome thing about security is that, just like insecurity, it is contagious. If your faith walk is built on security in Christ, you will encourage the faith of other women. Seeing is not the basis of believing, but it can activate belief and give hope to those who see. Let's decide to be intentional about how we live, remaining secure, to encourage the women around us that it can be done.

Will you commit with me to do these four things to promote security in one another? I know we each may mess up, but it will be easier to pick one another back up if we are sincerely trying. I desire to be an encourager and giver of hope. How about you?

Photo Credit

It is hard enough living in a world that is feeding us lies every day: that money brings security, the perfect wardrobe brings security, a beautiful body brings security. But let's not fall into the temptation that by getting these things, we are also receiving value, worth, true security.

"Human nature dictates that most often we will be as insecure as we are self-absorbed. The best possible way to keep from getting sucked into the superficial, narcissistic mentality that money, possessions, and sensuality can satisfy and secure us is to deliberately give ourselves to something much greater. We are under the constant indoctrination that getting is the way to receiving.

Christ, the Author of life more abundant, taught something totally different. He showed us that giving, rather than getting, is the means to receiving. I will say it again before our journey ends: to find yourself,  your true, secure self, you must lose yourself, in something larger. (Chapter 16, pg 309-310)

If we can look outside ourselves, God can use us. Not one of us is unqualified to be an instrument of God. If you are a believer, His Spirit (God Himself) lives in YOU!

God, in His mercy and richness of grace, will often take the ugliest and most painful parts of our lives and turn them into something beautiful we can use to bless others. God is a redeemer and restorer - what we only knew to bring death, He can (and desires to) use to bring life!

Think about how He has done that in your life. Has God transformed something painful into a wellspring of ministry? Do you see Him doing that now, as He is healing your insecurities?

My prayer for you this week is that you will begin to see the new-found beauty of security within your heart as a means ministry to others.

Bible Verses
Memorize: Isaiah 58:8-9
Reflect:  Isaiah 58:6-11
Galatians 5:22-26
John 13:34-35
Matthew 5:43-45

Discussion Questions
1. Is there a time that you have participated in the "bad math" of insecurity? How can you correct this thinking when it happens?

2. Have your feelings of jealousy or insecurity ever evaporated when something happened that "humanized" your rival?

3. How can we find a balance between not tripping another woman's insecurity switch and not taking responsibility for another woman's feelings?

4. Read Isaiah 58:6-11. What kind of attitude does God want us to have toward others? What will happen when we adjust our attitude outward instead of inward?

5. Read Galatians 5:22-26. How does celebrating each person's uniqueness help us avoid jealousy and unhealthy comparisons? How does the Holy Spirit help with this?

6. Read John 13:34-35. What are some specific things that would happen if we followed Jesus' command in these verses?

7. Read Matthew 5:43-45. Why do you think we are commanded to pray for our enemies? How does the act of praying for them change us?

So Long, Insecurity // Week Eight

If this is your first time here, you can check out all the posts from the "So Long, Insecurity" Bible study series by clicking HERE. Jump in where you can, when you can!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 13: The Power to Choose
Chapter 14: Can We Do it for Them?

Group Experience
Week Eight: The Power to Choose

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In our study last week, we looked at the dangers of our desire to control situations and people. Out of our insecurities, we may find the tendency to want to play God or the devil. This week we look at the things we can and should control.

The Power to Choose
In the battle with our insecurities, we come up against a myriad of emotions and our reactions to them. How we respond to a trigger is key in our ability to overcome it. Freedom lies in our power to choose how we respond.

Beth breaks it down like this:

"By choosing to have a different reaction even prior to having a different emotion, we can effect an immediate sense of heightened security. The reaction leads to a new feeling, and the new feeling leads to more consistent reactions. The result? We spiral up.

One of the most common human claims is that we can't change the way we feel. That may be true, but we can change the way we think, which will change the way we act. And as we change the way we act, the way we feel also begins to change. In the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later." (Chapter 13, pg 239-241)

Can any of you relate? I can testify to the truth in this. It is such a relief to know that we can work with God in the changing of our hearts, by consistently working at a change of perspective and attitude.

Beth is in no way asking us to deny our emotions, but rather to set limits on our insecurity by not letting it attach itself to our emotions. We can deal with hurt, disappointment, uncertainty and shock all without being insecure. It's about guarding our sense of worth and value, while responding to our emotions with the strength God supplies.

Photo Credit

There are several practical ways we can give our attitude and actions a makeover:

1) Self-talk.

"The next time someone says or does something to you that has the capacity to dent your security, instantly think one of these thoughts toward that person:

You can hurt my feelings, but you cannot have my security. I won't let you. It's mine to keep. You cannot have it.

You can criticize me and even be right about what I did wrong, but you do not get to damage my security....

You might have embarrassed me, but I refuse to let it fall on me so heavily that it smothers my security....

You may be so intimidating and threatening that I feel I have to hand a lot of things to you, but I refuse to hand over my security. Who you are doesn't get to dwarf who I am..." (Chapter 13, pg 244)

2) Prayer.
Ask God to fight your battles for you and through you, enabling you to stand in the confidence He supplies.

3) Memorize and Confess Scripture. 
Repeat it over and over. Not just in the middle of crisis. Not just in the morning. But all day long, as much as you need to hear it, believe it, and walk in faith. 

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.    Hebrews 10:35-36

In Chapter 13, Beth spends a good amount of time talking about the problem of pornography as an example of how to deal with tough issues in our closest relationships without giving in to insecurity. We can easily accept someone else's problem (especially a spouse) as our own and convince ourselves it is all about us. However it is love, the agape type of love, that makes choices in the best interest of others. Enabling a dangerous habit or addiction can only make the situation worse for anyone involved. A woman clothed in strength and dignity knows how to set loving and firm boundaries.

It starts with the choice to not let that person take our insecurity. Then follows a series of choices that will help the other person know what they are doing is not ok. Going to counseling, choosing not to participate, conversations about change... whatever is needed to be done, in love, to make the boundary line clear. It might be a long road, and it might be easier to give in, but real freedom does not come from handing over our security.

If Not for Us, Then for Them
Which brings us the main point of Chapter 14:

"Even if we think the effort needed to change is too much, even if for our own sakes we would just muddle through the rest of our lives entrenched in our old patterns, the story changes when we consider how our choices affect others. When we think about the legacy we're passing on to our children, grandchildren, or other people in our lives, we may suddenly find we're willing to make the change." (Group Experience, pg 89)

Do not take this on as another burdensome expectation that you must live up to. Remember that God's grace is strengthening us and changing us day by day. But there is a call to challenge us to better things, an urging to change, because of our love for others.

Do you sense that desire in your own heart?

Beth shares about the recent birth of her first granddaughter, and the realization that she will inspire Beth to change. The things she could not do for herself, did not do for her daughters, she knows this next little woman in the family line will draw out more change in her heart. It's a by-product of learning more about love and legacy.

Whether we have children or not, someone's child is looking at each of us. We have a blessed opportunity in a very dark world to be a shining example of strength and hope....of Christ...for future generations. Even our own generation. If not for ourselves, are we willing to change for them?

I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.

He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.

He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.

Psalm 40:1-3

May many put their trust in the Lord when they see His work in our lives...


Bible Verses
Memorize: Hebrews 10:35-36
Reflect:  Psalm 42
Philippians 3:7-14
Deuteronomy 3:19-20
Psalm 40:1-3

Discussion Questions
1. What is your response to the idea that our feelings follow our thoughts and actions? Is it possible to you? Does it give you hope?

2. Have you ever experienced a time when your emotions changed in response to your actions? Explain.

3. Read Psalm 42. What are some emotions that the psalmist expresses? What can you learn from the psalmist's reminders to himself in verses 5 & 11 (as it relates to changing our attitudes by changing our thinking)?

4. Read Deuteronomy 3:19-20. What do you think it means to choose life?

5. What practical steps can you take to help change the way you think? (Some suggestions are listed above - do you have others?)

6. Can you think of things worth doing for someone else that you might not do for yourself? (This could be anything from taking prenatal vitamins for a pregnancy, to dealing with an addiction...)

7. What legacy do you want to pass on to the next generation of women?

8. Read Philippians 3:7-14. What is Paul trying to gain (what does he value)? How does this verse encourage you as you seek to change?

So Long, Insecurity // Week Seven

If this is your first time here, you can check out all the posts from the "So Long, Insecurity" Bible study series by clicking HERE. Jump in where you can, when you can!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 11: Eating from the Wrong Tree
Chapter 12: Through the Eyes of the Guys

Group Experience
Week Seven: Letting God be God

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Last week we discussed how men deal with insecurities and how we are to view them as neither gods nor devils. Now, we will take an honest look at ourselves to determine how we may end up playing god or the devil with men.

Here is how Beth Moore puts it:

"People who are chronically insecure often have an overwhelming tendency to become control freaks.... We feel most secure when our environment is in control, and since no one is able to control it to our satisfaction, we decide we have to do it ourselves.... An insecure person's greatest need for control is directed toward those who have the most potential to either threaten her security or strengthen it. That is why women choose boyfriends or husbands as the primary candidates for control..." (Chapter 11, pg 209).

Playing the Devil
Women will often try to impose control on men by playing the devil, doing what she can to shake her man's convictions. The most obvious example is tempting him with sensuality, but this can apply in any area in which a man has a God-given conviction that just isn't convenient for us: financial decisions, child-rearing, work ethics... Some women want to get their man to crack just for the assurance that she can. Some may be uncomfortable being around such strong convictions, drawing out even more of her insecurity.

I love Beth's insight on the issue:

"I've seen it with my own eyes a number of times. I'll think something like, Girlfriend, I know a hundred women who would beg, borrow, or steal to have a man like yours. Why do you constantly tear him down or make fun of him? And when you've accomplished what you were after, will you be happy with what you have left? Nothing brings out the rebellion in a woman like a man who's trying to be righteous. And vice versa." (Chapter 11, pg 208)

Playing God
On the other hand, women with insecurity may find themselves trying to take on two divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. (Omnipotent is "all powerful" and omniscient is "all knowing.")

The desire to be "all powerful" or to control someone may seem far-fetched, especially since playing God can be so subtle, masked by good intentions. We just want the best for them, right? But usually there is something else in it for us that will prompt us to put in more effort than we are called to do.

I think Beth's testimony about she and her husband can resonate with many of us:

"Honestly I just wanted him to be happy, and he seemed to have such unnecessary ups and downs....I knew what worked for me, and I wanted it to work for him...The way I saw it, the man had so much potential if he would just do things God's way. But since he wasn't really listening to God, maybe my way was close enough. If he would just have a regular prayer time or memorize a few Scriptures or listen to Christian music or be more jovial or more compliant or less free with his opinions but more talkative about his feelings or more selective about what he watched and more careful about what he ate, he'd be so much happier. Clearly, I needed to take control of the situation and try to shove Keith to his happy place." (Chapter 11, pg 211)

Of course, we are learning that it is not our job to fix people or change people! God does call upon us to help one another, but the helper better not be doing all the work. We are to love, support and pray for others. It is God's job to pursue, shape and when needed, chastise, a person.

The desire to be "all knowing" is one we can trace back to Eve, when she ate from the wrong tree: the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Too often our curiosity gets the best of us and we beg for more information than we can bear to hear. Have you been there?....

....What was he doing with that other woman? What does he find so interesting on the internet night after night? What is he not telling me?....

It is not just those questions that are the problem, it is what they lead to. We must be discerning and wise, aware of what is going on around us. But often our suspicions can ruin a relationship if they are unfounded. Or if there is real cause for concern, the more we dwell on what we find, the more we open ourselves to torment.

Knowing too Much
Beth shared about a young women who sought counsel after a broken engagement. The woman had suspicions that the guy she was about to marry was not God's best for her. She caught him ogling at other women constantly, but never caught him acting on it. Her suspicions caused the relationship to fall apart, although, God did confirm to her that marry him was not the best thing. The problem worsened, however. Even though she had God's answer, she didn't rest. She had to find out whether her suspicions were true. So she hacked into his email account and found email after email of inappropriate correspondence with other women. She would dwell on the words of these emails day and night, allowing the knowledge to torment her.

There is a line we cross from knowing enough to knowing too much. God knows where that line is for us. Knowing that evil exists is enough for us to counteract it; knowing all the gory details of that evil only drags us further into it. God desires for us to pursue knowledge for the edification of the soul and our community. There is a "tree of life" that sustains us and provides all we need - it is founded in God.

What Men Have to Say
As part of the survey Beth created for men, she asked them, "What is the most common way you notice insecurity in women?"

They see more than we may think!

They know we are insecure about our looks, intelligence, education level, neediness, comparison to others... They feel the consequences of our self-loathing, self-doubt, nagging, approval-seeking need for assurance. And they hate it.

"Men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity. In the long run, it does not make them more tender to us, more careful with us, more loving toward us, or more attached to us. It makes them, in the words of another guy, want to "run for their lives." It may not be fair, but it's a fact. After months of research, I'm convinced that men are indeed more intrigued by a confident woman who carries herself well and knows who she is than a picture-perfect beauty who seems little more than that." (Group Experience, pg 71-72)

This may be hard to accept, and it certainly should not be our only motivation for wanting to change (God must play the primary role in our journey). However, it is important to understand that insecurity does not invite intimacy. Insecurity only repels.

I hope last week and this week has helped those of you who do have men in your lives that either affect or are affected by your insecurity. If you find that more of your insecurity is linked to other women, I believe many of the same principles can apply to those relationships.

The bottom line is, only God can change people. The discussion questions below will help you relinquish that desire to control back over God, so He can continue doing His perfect work in you and those around you.

Bible Verses
Memorize: 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Reflect: Psalm 104:24-32
Isaiah 55:8-11
Philippians 1:3-6

Discussion Questions
1. What is your reaction to Beth's summary about how men respond to our insecurity? In what ways has insecurity affected your relationship with men around you?

2. Are there times when you have felt threatened by the convictions of the man in your life? What do you think was behind your fear?

3. Whom do you find yourself most wanting to control? Why?

4. What are some ways we can combat the tendency to play God in others' lives?

5. Have you ever sensed that God was setting limits on your knowledge based on what you can handle? How do you know when you are crossing a boundary?

6. Read Psalm 104:24-32 and Isaiah 55:8-11. How does a bigger, more accurate picture of God help us gain perspective on ourselves and our limitations?

7. Read 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24. How is God changing us? What does He promise in this passage?

8. Read Philippians 1:3-6. What is Paul confident about and how can this assurance give us hope (and a cure for our desire to change others)?

So Long, Insecurity // Week Six

If this is your first time here, you can check out all the posts from the "So Long, Insecurity" Bible study series by clicking HERE. Jump in where you can, when you can!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 10: Neither Gods nor Devils

Group Experience
Week Six - Clearing Our Vision

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This week we are going to start working toward a healthy view of the men in our lives. For many women, men play a starring role in the drama of our insecurities. However it is important to realize that men are not without insecurities of their own.

Let me assure you, our study this week is not just for married women. All of us interact with men in one way or another. They are husbands, boyfriends, fathers, brothers, neighbors, pastors, bosses, friends...  

We all can benefit from an adjustment in how we view men.

In preparation for this study, Beth Moore also surveyed men about their insecurities. Here is what she found:

"Two areas of potential failure floated to the top among the responses. In uncontested first place: failure to provide.... The temptation [for men] to confuse who they are with what they make is astronomical. Add economic meltdowns, foreclosures, pay cuts, and layoffs to the landscape, and you've got yourself a serious breeding ground for insecurity. The thought occurred to me that the same culture that makes so many women feel inadequate physically, makes just as many men feel inadequate financially." (Chapter 10, pg 186-187)

The other fear of failure named by the respondents is the failure to prove themselves as men. Beth goes on to explain the difference in mindset between men and women regarding "being" a man or woman. Women become women at a certain age. Men, on the other hand, are acknowledged as "real men" based on what they do, what they are able to prove about themselves. Manhood is earned, while womanhood is something we grow into. Unfortunately, men tend to look to their fathers for their recognition as a man, and in so many cases, this source is flawed at best or altogether absent.

Perhaps at this point, you can begin to have some compassion for the men around us. Not that they need or even ask for a pity party. But empathy is part of respect. They are human. They struggle. This helps us see them and relate to them based on who they truly are.

This is an important step as we take a look at how men react from their insecurities:

"Overwhelmingly, the men used one word to describe what they do when they feel insecure: withdraw. If they don't overtly withdraw, they will probably behave in a way, either consciously or unconsciously, that will make their loved ones withdraw. One way or the other, a man who feels insecure will often force space..." (Chapter 10, pg 194)

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? 

So when men are insecure, they withdraw. When women are insecure, they cling. No wonder we have so many issues!

You may still be wondering exactly why we are studying men this week, but here is the thing:

"We often vacillate between adoring them and abhorring them, and neither extreme is healthy." (Group Experience, pg 61)

Think about your own view of men. Do you tend to seek your fulfillment or happiness from them? Are all your hopes and dreams based on what they can do for you or give to you? Or is it the opposite and you carry disdain for them all because of some devastating relationships?

We live in a culture that encourages both perspectives. We paint pictures of prince charming, while vilifying men as disgusting, lazy creatures.

But we can see that beyond their imperfections (or seeming perfections), there is a human being with insecurities like us.

Thankfully, God sets the record straight:

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:26-27

But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus... Romans 3:21-24

Used in Genesis, "man" means "mankind". Man and woman were both created by God, in His image, perfect. But now we see that all have sinned.

It's humbling to think about being fashioned by God's hands - we are equally unique and loved. At the same time, equally flawed. No other person, man or woman, deserves to be vilified or placed on a pedestal.

Do you feel like you haven't been seeing things clearly?

Then He came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, and begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, “I see men like trees, walking.” Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly. Mark 8:22-25

I love how Beth Moore uses this passage about a physical healing that so beautifully illustrates the healing that can occur in our spiritual eyes. God wants us to see world as it truly is. But we cannot see it clearly if we are looking down and around us, at the mess and distractions. 

Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up...

Our eyes belong on Christ above. Only then do we see everyone clearly.



I invite you to spend some time in the Scriptures listed below, as well as the discussion questions, so you can being to clear your vision...and refocus on Him.


Bible Verses
Memorize: Hebrews 12:1-2
Reflect: Mark 8:22-25
Ephesians 4:1-6
Matthew 14:22-32

Discussion Questions
1. Why do you think fear of failure (to provide, to be a proven man) tops the list of male insecurities? What pressures in our society feed these fears?

2. How does being aware of male insecurities give you insight to the men in your life?

3. Think about times when you would idealize men and consider them to be the solutions to all your problems. Think about times you have vilified men. How do these perspectives affect your relationships and sense of self-worth?

4. How has your perspective of men affected your relationship with God?

5. Read Ephesians 4:1-6. How are we supposed to interact with each other as believers?

6. Read Matthew 14:22-32. What does this passage illustrate about how our "focus" or "vision" can affect our fears? Can you think of a time when focusing on Christ helped you overcome fears?

7. Read Hebrews 12:1-2. How can this perspective change the way you view those around you?

So Long, Insecurity // Week Five

Week five is a turning point in our Bible study. We are turning our backs on insecurity and moving into new-found strength and dignity!

If this is your first time here, you can check out all the posts from the "So Long, Insecurity" Bible study series by clicking HERE. Jump in where you can, when you can!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 7: Don't Let it Fool You
Chapter 8: A Beautiful Prize Called Dignity
Chapter 9: A time and Place to Heal

Group Experience
Week Five - Finding Dignity

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We are halfway through our study and standing at a beautiful crossroads. Up until now we have faced and grappled with our own insecurities - discovering the shapes and sizes they come in - reaffirming our need to overcome them.

Chapter 7 will give us one more opportunity to discover our insecurity's true identity. Beth Moore shares with us a series of personal testimonies from women (and some men) who describe exactly how insecurity has made a fool out them.

Beth lovingly reminds us:

"In one way or another, insecurity has made fools of all of us. Naturally, we'd just as soon not remember how. But dear one, if we're going to get serious about letting God deliver us, we must look in the mirror and realize how disfigured we are - far from God's original intent for us. Until we do that, we'll continue to settle for what we have." (Chapter 7, pg 110) 

Perhaps you have already identified how foolish you look in your insecurities. Or perhaps the testimonials in the book helped you see more clearly.

In case you do not have access to the book, Chapter 7 is full of stories about how insecurity causes competition, controlling behavior, or unhealthy attachment in friendships. Insecurity causes emotional eruptions at embarrassing moments hurting yourself and others. It causes a need to please, to kiss the feet of those we feel inferior to; or develops a deep self-loathing linked to physical appearance, personality or status. Insecurity blinds us to how blessed we really are and can hinder us from enjoying life or using our gifts. It can also make us do things we don't want to do (or shouldn't do). It makes us overcompensate, or hide; become a poser, or cover up who we really are. Insecurity destroys US, as God made us.

And so we now turn away from the foolish and take a look at what God intended for us: 

Dignity. 

"She is clothed with strength and dignity..." Proverbs 31:25

She. That is you and me. This verse is from the passage known as "The Virtuous Woman", "The Wife of Noble Character" or "A Woman of Valor". This is God's intent for us.

Beth points out that same word for dignity is found in Psalm 8:3-5:

"When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place

 what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
    human beings that you care for them?

 You have made them a little lower than the angels

    and crowned them with glory and honor."

Honor is dignity. God crowned us with dignity. We are clothed by Him, covered, anointed, crowned! We are His prize creation and loved by Him, empowered by Him to emulate strength, honor and dignity. This is His will for us.

As we move into Chapter 9, we must let that truth sink in. It is in this chapter that Beth leads us in an amazing prayer of restoration for our dignity. But we must believe that God wills it to be so. The more we can believe His Word is Truth, the more confidence we have in Him to break down our strongholds.

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15

We know that God wants to restore our dignity, we know that He hears our prayers, and He will give what we ask according to His will.

So now it is time to make that step. It is dangerous to root out something evil without replacing it with the things of God. Since we have spent some time digging and rooting, it's time for something else to grow in the place of our insecurity - God-given dignity.

In Chapter 9, Beth leads us in a complete prayer of restoration. If you have the book, please read this chapter and devote some time in prayer as Beth outlines. It is beautifully healing. If you do not have the book, ask God to lead you in a prayer that renounces the evils of insecurity and instead welcomes God's Spirit of renewal and restoration. 

Here are some points that may be helpful for you to cover:

• Express the fragile state you are in and your desperate need for Him.
• Confess your fears and ask for deliverance from fear (2 Timothy 1:7)
• Ask for wisdom and insight so you may know yourself as He knows you - your habits, your emotions, the complexities of your soul
• Confess and ask for forgiveness for selfishness, pride, jealousy, self-hatred, perfectionism or any other self-inflicted source of insecurity the Spirit reveals
• Ask Him to fully uproot insecurities that were not of your own doing (losses, abuse, instability...) and ask for healing from those hurts
• Ask Him to empower you to forgive those who have harmed you
• Ask Him to empower you to trust Him when circumstances are shaky, instead of responding with panic or need for control
• Ask Him to remind you of the things that make you YOU, which allow His glory and work to be done
• Seek forgiveness for hurting others out of insecurity. 
• Thank God for people who have shown you glimpses of Him.
• Thank God for the miracle He is doing in your heart to restore security, dignity, strength - to overturn all the enemy meant for evil.

The last paragraph of the prayer is especially powerful:

"Today on _____________ (date), I receive my dignity back. No one and nothing can take it from me because You are the One who gave it. Help me to recognize that I've lost my dignity only because I have surrendered it. Empower me to claim it back and hang on to it with all my might. Because of Your mercy, Lord, I am no fool. Only a wise woman shifts her trust to You. In Jesus' saving and delivering name, Amen." (Chapter 9, pg 174)

The Bible verses and discussion questions below will help solidify your understanding of the truth of His word and God's desire for you. I pray that by the end of this week's study, you will have renewed hope and a refreshed spirit. May you experience God's love and healing like never before!


Bible Verses
Memorize: Proverbs 31:25
Reflect: Psalm 8:3-5
1 John 5:14-15
John 15:7
Matthew 11:28-30


Discussion Questions

1. What images come to mind when you hear the word "dignity"?

2. Beth explains that the cycle of insecurity begins to break when even though we may still feel insecure, we make a very deliberate choice to not act on that feeling. How have you experienced this cycle of insecurity? Have you been able to break it in the past? How?

3. Read Proverbs 31:25. What does it mean to you to be clothed by God?

4. Read 1 John 5:14-15 and John 15:7. What things can we know absolutely are in God's will? How can we approach Him with a request knowing that it is His will?

5. Beth reminds us that God always honors our request to root our pride - something we may need to do in our process of healing. Read Philippians 2:1-4. What does humility look like?

6. Read Matthew 11:28-30. What strikes you about Jesus' example of humility? What kind of rest do you think Jesus is talking about in this passage?

7. I'm just curious.... did you pray the prayer in Chapter 9 (or say your own according to the points listed above)? What was that process like for you? Are you feeling refreshed and confident in your new-found dignity?

So Long, Insecurity // Week Four

We are going to dive right into week four of our Bible Study. If this is your first time here, you can check out all the posts from the "So Long, Insecurity" Bible study series by clicking HERE. Jump in where you can, when you can!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 5: Rooting It Out
Chapter 6: A Cocktail of Ego & Culture

Group Experience
Week Four - Digging Deep

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Over the past few weeks of this Bible study, we have faced the reality that insecurity exists in each of us to some degree. We talked about how insecurity can cause damage in our relationships and it can quench the Holy Spirit's work in our lives. We see that insecurity is connected to fear and doubt, as well as our ability to handle real or perceived threats. Last week we were reassured by God's Word that we are not alone and He wants to still use us despite of our weaknesses.

We have come a long way!

Photo Credit

This week is going to be a challenging one as we look at root causes to our insecurity. Sometimes it is not enough to just identify insecurity when we see it. Sometimes we have to dig in deep and get it at the root. It is painful. But the result is experiencing true freedom.

I'm all about getting dirty for a huge payoff like freedom. How about you?

In chapters 5 and 6 of the book, Beth Moore lists some of the primary roots of insecurity:

Instability in the Home
Including various types of abuse, divorce, substance abuse by a family member, mental or physical illness in the home, financial instability...
This type of experience can lead to the feeling: I'm on my own. No one will (can) take care of me. Abuse especially solidifies this thought process and affirms that those who are supposed to care will instead cause harm.

Significant Loss
Of a person, a home, or relationship...
This experience can be something major, or a series of "minor" losses. But as Beth says in Chapter 5: "If it translated as something huge to your heart, it is huge to God on your behalf."

Rejection
From a friend, parent, spouse, child, boyfriend...
While this is probably the most common experience, Beth reminds us that God created us for relationship. Disconnection is not the answer. Restoration is. It is important to see if our insecurities are founded in perceived rejections. Sometimes we feel were rejected when that wasn't the person's intent at all. In response to rejection, some of us try harder to be accepted. Others will become a loner and pretend we don't care. It is important to hear what God has to say about us so we can avoid either extreme.

Dramatic Change
Accidents, financial crisis, even positive changes like a move or new baby...
While dramatic change can be a negative experience, the change can also be a good thing. The problem is that big changes feel threatening because they are not what we were used to. Many of us avoid change because what we know feels safer - even if the unknown could be so much better.

Personal Limitations
Learning disability, physical handicap, scars, acne...
Beth reminds us that "attitude is everything....and the way you view yourself will acutely shape how others view you (Chapter 5, pg 81). We have to look beyond our limits to what God desires to do with them.

Personal Disposition or Temperament
While sensitivity is not the same as insecurity, sometimes those who are sensitive or tenderhearted are more likely to experience insecurity. Issues go straight to the heart and inflict deeper wounds. Having an awareness of our disposition can help us better gauge the severity of the threat.

Our Culture
Our most recent generations are hit with the challenge of competing with the media's portrayal of the perfect woman (young and flawlessly beautiful). We are bombarded with images and information that invite us to constantly critique and compare. Sometimes these messages are unavoidable, but can be limited by using the off-button -- something we should probably press more often?

Pride
This is the last on the list discussed in the book -- for good reason. It is the only root that isn't thrust upon us by other people or circumstances. Of course, we always have the ability to choose how to react to those situations, but pride is the one root that originates within our own hearts. Once we get it out of the way, God can really do a work in us.

It may seem that pride does not belong in the context of insecurity, but look at this quote on perfectionism by Richard Winter in his book Perfecting Ourselves to Death:

Although perfectionists seem very insecure, doubting their decisions and actions, fearing mistakes and rejection, and having low opinions of themselves, at the same time, they have excessively high personal standards and an exaggerated emphasis on precision, order and organization, which suggest an aspiration to be better than others.....Perfectionists' black-and-white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate...and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good." (So Long, Insecurity, pg 105-106)

That's a hard to truth to face! (And it's talking about me...yikes!)

So how are you doing? Hanging in there with me? I hope you have been able to identify the roots of your own insecurities. But as you do, remember this:

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Insecurity has hurt us in many ways, but it cannot take us away from the all-encompassing love of God!


Something to Consider
The discussion questions below will take you deeper into the exact source of your insecurities - a specific person, circumstance, or word spoken to you.... Please be discerning about what you share, remembering that this is a very public forum. Some questions may be best for you to address in your secret place with God.

Some of you may have to revisit past hurts or traumatic experiences in order to grab a hold of that root to pull it out. Know that God is with you in this process. If you feel this is something you cannot face alone, I encourage you to talk to your pastor about working with a counselor. Or if you are not connected to a local church, send me a private message and I will do my best to get you in touch with a Christian counselor.

In any case, please do not skip over this week! The work that God can do in you this week may be hard, but it is essential to healing and becoming more secure in Him. I say this with an empathetic heart as God has proven this to me before, and He is faithful to do it again!


Bible Verses
Memorize: Colossians 2:6-7
Reflect: James 1:17
Hebrews 13:8
Psalm 102:25-27
Psalm 121
Deuteronomy 31:8
Romans 8:38-39


Discussion Questions

1. List the roots of insecurity that you relate most to. What people or experiences come to mind when you reflect on each one? How did they affect you?

2. Think about a time when you thought you were on your own, without someone to care for you. What prompted the feeling?

3. Can you think of a time when you felt rejected, but looking back, you realize that wasn't the person's intent? How can we deal with rejection in a healthy way - whether it is real or perceived?

4. Think about any big changes in your life - good and bad. How have these changes brought on feelings of insecurity?

5. Can you think of someone you know who was able to rise above their personal limitations? How do you think they did it?

6. What correlation is there between sensitivity and insecurity in your life?

7. How do the media portrayals of women affect your view of yourself? Would you consider going on a media "fast" -- or take some other sort of action to be more discerning in your media consumption?

8. What is the difference between pride and confidence? How does humility play a role in security?

9. What do the verses listed above tell you about God's character? How can these truths comfort you in the midst of our insecurities?

10. Reflect on Romans 8:38-39 and Colossians 2:6-7. Remember that God's love never fails! He provides us with security. As you read through the verses in Romans, name the struggles in your life and realize not even those can separate you from His love.

So Long, Insecurity // Week Three and GIVEAWAY!!

We are going to dive right into week three of our Bible Study. If this is your first time here, you can check out all the posts from the "So Long, Insecurity" Bible study series by clicking HERE. Jump in where you can, when you can!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 4: Good Company

Group Experience
Week Three - Good Company

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I hope you are enjoying this Bible study as much as I am! Ok, "enjoying" may not be the right term. In many ways, this is a hard Bible study. Beth Moore has been asking us to poke and prod ourselves to shed light on some of the darkest places in our hearts. It's not easy to be completely honest with oneself. Especially when those ugly things we are trying so hard to hide are exactly what we are required to face.

But, like Beth Moore expressed in the beginning of this book, I am mad enough to change! And I have hope for change, knowing that in Christ, I can have a better, stronger, more secure life. I hope you agree and you are sticking with it!

We are Not Alone
This week is a slight (slight) reprieve from being entirely introspective. I hope you can catch a little bit of a break by looking outside of yourself into the lives of others. We can easily look around us and know that we aren't alone in our insecure struggles.

Even from the discussion posts for this Bible study, we see that many of us can relate, in one way or another, to various insecurities: the pressure of perfectionism, the desire to be liked/accepted, our looks or personality, even the way our spouses behave.  

Our journeys may be different, how we respond may be different, but we can all see the far-reaching and very real impact of insecurity.

In Chapter 4 of the book, Beth introduces us to several of the Bible's greatest - the ones who accomplished great things for God, but also carried loads of insecure baggage. We are going to see how their insecurities influenced their lives and what we can learn from them.

So the bad news for this week: we still need to keep assessing where we are at. The good news: we aren't alone and God can still use us in tremendous ways!

Let's take a look at a few of the "greats" from our spiritual heritage.


The Line-Up
Eve (Genesis 3) who thought she was missing out on something, ate the forbidden fruit, then covered herself because of her shame.

Sarai and Hagar (Genesis 16) who were both wounded by insecurity. Sarai felt God did not favor her and, because of her doubt in His promise for Abram to have an heir, she offered her maidservant to him. Hagar was able to give Abram what Sarai could not (a son), and became a threat to Sarai. Sarai mistreated Hagar; Hagar despised Sarai; and God's original promise was still yet to be fulfilled.

Rachel and Leah (Genesis 29:31-30:24) engaged in another child-bearing battle. Both married to Jacob, each one struggled in their value as a wife. Leah was not loved by Jacob and believed she could earn his love or affection by bearing him children - and she bore children quite easily. Rachel was loved by Jacob but remained barren for many years. Their insecurities and jealousy created a nasty tug-of-war and tense family dynamics.

Moses (Exodus 3-4:17) did not believe he was qualified enough for the calling God had for him. Even after several miraculous demonstrations of God transforming one thing into something else, Moses still argued God could not use him.

Saul (1 Samuel 10:9-27) was specifically called upon to be king of Israel. Yet when they were looking for him to crown him, he was found hiding in the baggage.

Paul (2 Corinthians 11:5-6, 12:11) often struggled to keep his ego in check, flip-flopping between humility and the desire to be esteemed.


Can you relate to any of these people? I know I can...and not just one of them! They all dealt with a tangled mess of fear, doubt, jealousy, pride, and loneliness. Then they responded (often in unhealthy ways) to situations or people that seemed be a threat to them.

Threat is a key word in this part of the study. Beth Moore writes:

"More often than not, if we're willing to make the connection, we can trace feelings of insecurity to a perceived threat, especially when it comes in a sudden rush....
What are we afraid of?
Who are we afraid of?
What are we afraid of losing?
Why are we afraid of being displaced?"
(Chapter 4, pg 48)

Asking these questions can help us figure out the root to our insecurity so we can then know how to respond.


Perceived or Real?
I love that Beth made this very important point: our fears or threats can be either perceived or real. There is a huge benefit to being able to distinguish the difference.

Perceived threats are the result of an imagination gone wild, the "what ifs" that are very unlikely to happen. They can also arise out of lies we have believed about ourselves or others. If we can stay rational, we can remind ourselves there is no real threat and save ourselves a lot of trouble.

But then there are times that threats to our security are real: getting fired from a job, a spouse who has an affair, a friend's betrayal...

Here is Beth's advice:

"My suggestion is this: even when fears are founded and threats are real and we are about to be swept away in a tidal wave of well-earned insecurity, there is divine power, wisdom, and clarity of thought to be found. The person who responds with strength instead of hysteria at a time like that may be a stranger to you right now, but finding that person is precisely what we are doing here." (Chapter 4, pg 49)

The thing about insecurity is that it tempts us to sit in our negative emotions and live there. It invites us to believe there's no other way and we sink deeper into despair. The truth is, there is a way out. God has promised it:

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 

This week I encourage you to start praying for God to show you the way out of insecurity's grip. Even if you do not respond to the discussion questions on this blog, spend some time on them with God. He will begin to reveal your threats and how to respond so you aren't trapped in a pit of insecurity.


Bible Verses
Memorize: 1 Corinthians 10:13  
Reflect: Psalm 34:1-4
2 Corinthians 12:6-10
Psalm 46 


Discussion Questions

1. Review the line-up of some of the Bible's greatest examples of insecure people. Which one(s) can you relate to and why?

2. Have you experienced an insecurity that resulted out of a perceived threat? What were you afraid of that most likely was not going to happen? And how did you deal with it?

3. Review the four questions about threats from the excerpt above. How might these questions help you when you feel insecure?

4. Read 1 Corinthians 10:13 and Psalm 34:1-4. Can you think of a time God delivered you from fear or the temptation of insecurity?

5. Read 2 Corinthians 12:6-10. How does this verse change the influence of insecurity on your life?

6. Read Psalm 46, especially verse 10. What is it like to "be still" in the midst of our trouble? What freedom comes from that decision?

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GIVEAWAY!!

You were probably wondering when I'd get to this! I wanted to save it for the end because I believe the giveaway item is something that will most benefit those of you who are dedicated to this study -- or at least doing what you can to follow God to greater security in Him. So here it is:

Beth Moore's "The Promise of Security"
A booklet of Scripture promises for almost any instance of insecurity. "When You Lack Confidence", "When You are Looking for Love" and "When You Need Strength and Dignity" are just a few of the topics listed for easy reference to God's promises.

How to Win 
I have five of these little books I'd love to give away. Simply send me a private message by clicking HERE. Be sure to fill out the entire contact form and include the following in the Message box:

1. Your Mailing Address
2. What you are learning or enjoying most about this study

That's it! The first five people to respond will receive a book!

(PS-Your information will be used for this giveaway ONLY. I do not share or sell emails or addresses.)

So Long, Insecurity // Week Two

Welcome back! I am excited to dive into week two of our online Bible study. But first, here are some helpful links & tips to assist you through this experience -- especially if you have no idea what this study is about! :)

Blog Tips 
1. Read about the purpose of this online women's Bible study and how it works by clicking HERE.

2. To easily access all posts in this series, go HERE. You may want to bookmark this page. Or if you are starting at my blog's home page, simply click on the "Bible Study" button at the top of the page.

3. If you don't want to miss a post, be sure to subscribe to my blog. Keep in mind you will receive all my posts, not just those in the Bible study series.


Study Tools
1. Visit the So Long, Insecurity website to learn more about the study and see how other women are overcoming their insecurities.

2. Use sites like Bible Gateway and Biblos to compare various Bible translations and meanings from the original texts.

3. Join me in memorizing our weekly Bible verses! I absolutely love using Scripture Typer for memorization. I'm a visual & kinesthetic learner (need to see it and do it) so this is the perfect tool to imprint Scripture on my heart...and fast!

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If you are following along in the print materials, this week's post and discussion questions are based on:

Book
Chapter 2: Insecure Enough to Matter
Chapter 3: She Doesn't Look a Certain Way

Group Experience
Week Two - How Insecurity Affects Us

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I really appreciate the discussions that are starting up on the blog posts! Thank you for sharing your insight and even personal stories. The journey to security may be slightly different for everyone, but we can still encourage each other along the way. Please feel free to jump into the discussions at any time!

This week we are digging in to how insecurity really affects us. It is important to understand exactly what insecurity looks like in our own lives and how deep it is rooted, so we can effectively pull it out.

First, I wanted to share a nugget found at the beginning of Chapter 2:

"Scripture claims that believers in Christ are enormously gifted people. Are our insecurities snuffing the Spirit until our gifts...are largely unproductive or, at the very least, tentative?"

Tuck that away and carry it with you as we unpack some more insight on insecurity. I believe it's helpful to keep in mind while assessing your own insecurities.

Now, let's try to put a face to this beast... ready?

In the book, we are given this description:

"Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt - a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man nor woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." (Chapter 2, pg 17)

Read over that description a couple times if you have to, and try to identify the different elements of insecurity. Can you relate to any? Which feelings do you experience?

When gauging our own insecurity, we can measure it by two variables:
How intense are the feelings (of self-doubt, anxiety, fear)?
How often do we experience them? (Is it chronic?)

There is a difference between having a few "off" days and being consistently insecure. There is also a difference between being sensitive (compassionate or discerning) and being intensely crippled by self-doubt or fear. If what we are experiencing is constant and deeply emotional, we are more likely to see insecurity wreak havoc on our lives. Everything from our health, to relationships, to our ability to serve God will suffer.

So let's think about when these feelings might manifest...

• Perhaps it is the fear of trying new things or meeting new people.
• Maybe you place undue pressure on your relationships with high expectations to fulfill your needs.
• Or maybe you feel you aren't worthy/capable of your job position.
• Does it crush you when you find out someone doesn't like you? Or disagrees with you?
• Perhaps you aren't sure if you are truly loved (or respected) by those around you.
• Or is insecurity masked by perfectionism, careful planning, and your ability to make certain that nothing can or will go wrong?

Photo Credit

Beth Moore reminds us that an insecure woman can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness (Chapter 2, pg 19). So it can sometimes be easy to miss. But self-consciousness is simply an acute awareness and preoccupation with self - this often hides behind the face of confidence.

Which is why it is so important to be careful not to judge others in this process of evaluating insecurity. It is tempting to look at someone else's life and think, "THAT is security." Maybe it's a pretty a face, a great wardrobe, their air of confidence that fills the room, their perfect system for approaching life.

Beth refers to these as "false positives". The things people have going for them that seem to establish their security. The things we are quick to point out to them, to remind them of how great they have it. The things we wish we had.

We've all heard (given or received) these types of comments when it's hard to believe that person has an iota of insecurity:

"...but you have everything you could wish for."
"Everyone likes you!"
"Oh, you have such a loving and supportive husband."
"You ALWAYS look good!"
"Look how everyone looks up to you."
"You know they couldn't do this without you."

How many times do these comments pop out....out of a craving for what they have?

The truth is, we will never find security in false positives. Even the woman who "has it all" may be struggling with insecurity just as much as you are. The problem is not about the things they have that we lack.

As Beth Moore puts it: "An injured soul is the problem." We have to be willing to go beyond the surface. 

"That beloved, is our challenge. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us (Psalm 90:17)."  (Chapter 3, pg 43)

God's word shows us that when our security is rooted in Him, we reflect His beauty, His ability, His power, His purpose. Yes we fall short on our own, but in Him all things are possible!

I encourage you to spend some time in the verses below and let the Holy Spirit minister to you about who you are to God. If you have trouble accepting these truths for yourself, ask God to increase your faith in His desires for you. Healing from insecurity begins here!

Bible Verses:
Memorize: Ephesians 2:10
Reflect: 2 Corinthians 4:7
1 Peter 2:9-10

Discussion Questions:
This week is getting even more personal, so I understand if you do not want to share! However, if you feel your experience is one that can help others, please consider sharing anonymously. As before, you are welcome to answer just one, or all questions! 

1. Can you identify your own false positive - the one thing that would make you "secure"?  
 
2. Have you experienced insecurity in a way that affected your relationships? Have you set up unrealistic expectations have caused your relationships to suffer?
 
3. Go back to the first quote from Chapter 2 and think about this question: "Are our insecurities snuffing the Spirit until our gifts are unproductive or, at the very least, tentative?" Share a specific time in your past when insecurity kept you from using your gifts or doing something you knew you should do...and if you have been able to overcome that obstacle, share your victory with us too!

4. God gives us an encouraging and empowering perspective of ourselves. Read Ephesians 2:10, 2 Corinthians 4:7, 1 Peter 2:9-10. What do these verses mean to you in the context of our discussion on security and how God views us?